Resentments and affairs... how to move on

I like this quote from Rick Warren, the author of The Purpose Driven Life.

“Resentment always hurts you more than it does the person you resent. While your offender has probably forgotten the offense and gone on with life, you continue to stew in your pain, perpetuating the past. Listen: those who hurt you in the past cannot continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment. Your past is past! Nothing will change it. You are only hurting yourself with your bitterness. For your own sake, learn from it, and then let it go.” 

BUT, he doesn't show you how.

It's a good idea and most of us agree with it, but then we're left with  the question of how to make that happen.

If you're carrying big resentments, such as that of a devastating betrayal or affair, let me show you how to move on... and thrive!

http://www.ThriveAfterTheAffair.com

Dr. Max

How much is your resentment hurting YOU?

Time to move on

http://www.ThriveAfterTheAffair.com

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Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

bless your wife

“It is important for a husband to understand that his words have tremendous power in his wife’s life. He needs to bless her with words. She’s given her life to love and care for him, to partner with him, to create a family together, to nurture his children. If he is always finding fault in something she’s doing, always putting her down, he will reap horrendous problems in his marriage and in his life. Moreover, many women today are depressed and feel emotionally abused because their husbands do not bless them with their words. One of the leading causes of emotional breakdowns among married women is the fact that women do not feel valued. One of the main reasons for that deficiency is because husbands are willfully or unwittingly withholding the words of approval women so desperately desire. If you want to see God do wonders in your marriage, start praising your spouse. Start appreciating and encouraging her. Every single day, a husband should tell his wife, “I love you. I appreciate you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” A wife should do the same for her husband. Your relationship would improve immensely if you’d simply start speaking kind, positive words, blessing your spouse instead of cursing him or her.” 
― Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential

Can you take the challenge?

- Dr. Max

Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

Terrifying Intimacy -- Can you handle it?

Eventually I saw that the path of the heart requires a full gesture, a degree of abandon that can be terrifying. Only then is it possible to achieve a sparkling metamorphosis.
-Carlos Castaneda

Intimacy is not for the weak.  

When you prepared to meet another person head on in the full presence of their personality - with true honesty on your part - you find that your knees will buckle, or you'll try to hide in your "personality" or "front."  

Try it with your true self and see what rewards will come 

- Dr. Max

http://www.CouplesCoach.com

Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

Don't Argue

One of the biggest mistakes people make in their marriages is arguing.

 

It never turns out well.

 

Think back on every argument you ever had and then think about the result.

 

Was it ever positive?

 

Did you ever feel good afterwards (really... not just in the vengeful way).

 

If you want to try a new way, the answers are here:

 

http://www.CouplesCoach.com

 

- Dr. Max

 

 

Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

I hear you, I'm listening

I've been listening to you

For almost 30 years I've been listening to you and answering these questions:

Should we stay together?  How do we know?

How can we keep the passion we had when we first got together?

Has too much water gone under the bridge for us to get our love back?

Will my partner ever hear me?

Why doesn't he say he loves me?

How do I get her to stop nagging at me?

Should marriage be this hard?

... and many others

Now you can get answers to all your questions click

I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is that the answers you are going to get in the "Same-Old" marriage advice are going to make your relationship worse.  

They are going to confuse you and maybe even harden your heart.

The good - great - news is that there are new answers.

Those answers blow the lid off of the "old ways" and give you a brand new lease on relationships.

You need a brand new way to approach marriage.

It'a a brand new world and it's time for brand new answers.

That's what you'll find

 

Now you can get answers to all your questions click

 

To your great relationship future,
Dr. Max

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Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

What is a Soul Mate?

Jennifer said to me about John: "I love him but he's not my Soul Mate."

This is her husband she's talking about.

I hear people use this term "Soul Mate" a lot.

It is accompanied by the premise "there's someone out there who is perfectly suited for me."

Now as a psychologist I have a couple thoughts for you about this.

It won't win me a popularity contest, but my promise to you is to shoot straight.

The first thought is that what most people mean by this term is "someone who is me."

In other words, the thought is that there's someone I'd be perfectly aligned with.

We'd agree on everything and be perfectly suited for each other.

We'd be on a perpetual honeymoon.

Passion would never die.

We would feel perfectly safe with each other.

We would intuitively know what the other is thinking, feeling and wanting.

We'd be mind readers of one another.

We'd anticipate each others' needs.

We'd never forget what was important to one another and always remember to be thoughtful.

Men would always put down the toilet seat and women would never nag.

If we were true Soul Mates we would know it and feel it 24 hours a day every day.

Now maybe that's not the way you see it but it's the way most people see it.

You might dismiss this analysis, but...

If you dig a little more deeply you might find out it's actually a fantasy you have.

Of course, it's what we feel during the first blush of love with one another.

And it's really wonderful, and it's essential to the long term health of the relationship to START OUT this way.

But it's even more essential to the long term health of the relationship to develop BEYOND that.

OK, this email has gotten a lot longer already than I thought it would.

Let me give you the second - the most shocking and eye-opening part of this 2 part series on Soul Mates...

TOMORROW.

Dr. Max

Have you taken the Divorce Test?

It's here:

http://www.EasyMarriageCounseling.com/bindex.html

If you have already done that and are ready for the next step, go here

http://CouplesCoach.com

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Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

Clint Eastwood and your marriage...

In a commercial during the SuperBowl yesterday, Clint Eastwood starred in a commercial.

The ad was for the big auto makers in Detroit and said they were coming back from the brink of disaster.

He talked about hope and pulling together for the future and had the great line "It's Halftime in America."

Meaning that the best was yet to come.

Turned out to be true in the game.

And it can also be true in your marriage.

You may feel you've been through a vale of troubles.

You may wonder if anything can get any better.

But I promise you that you can have a great intimate relationship.

I can't promise it will be easy...

But I will tell you this.

If you begin today with the thought and belief "It's halftime in our marriage..."  and know that the best CAN be yet to come... this can work wonders.

All action begins in belief followed by action.

What you believe determines how you feel and what you do about it.

BELIEVE in your marriage and relationship.

Have FAITH.

Then you can move forward in a positive way.

Without faith in your future together, no actions will help.

Start by adopting a positive attitude and apply this immediately.

It will help... and you'll feel better in every other area of your life too.

Dr. Max

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Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

How to win the Super Bowl of Marriage (Men Only. No peeking, gals)

Most of us husbands have discovered the hard way we don't know how to do the job.

 

By the hard way I mean, mostly we've been informed of what we're NOT doing.

 

By our wives.

 

Different guys respond to this in different ways.

 

Some get an attitude.

 

Some feel insulted.

 

Some get indifferent.

 

Some go have affairs.

 

Some really want to figure it out but don't know where the user's manual is.

 

I worked on this one for quite a while, both as a professional and a husband.

 

Now I'm going to save your bacon:

 

http://www.MakeHerAppreciateYou.com

 

- Dr. Max

 

P.S. No nonsense, just the straight skinny.

 

http://www.MakeHerAppreciateYou.com

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Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

Find out if you're going to get a divorce, or be happily married http://www.EasyMarriageCounseling.com

In just 3 minutes this test will predict whether you are likely to divorce - or stay together either happily or in misery.

http://www.EasyMarriageCounseling.com

Dr. Max

Try it, it's free

Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

Groundhog Marriage

If you had a chance to do something different in your marriage from the past, what would it be?

If you had done that thing, might it have changed your whole marriage?

Just this week we had GroundHog Day.

I remembered the movie of the same name with Bill Murray.

The poor guy keeps reliving GroundHog Day - a not so pleasant day in his life - over and over again.

 

No matter what he tries, every morning he wakes up the next day and it's GroundHog Day all over again.

But finally things change and he awakens the next day with a new beginning.

What did he do differently?

He decided to use his knowledge and understanding - and compassion for others - to break the hold of this repeating nightmare.

And things change... and he gets the girl of his dreams.

Now how familiar does the FIRST part of this sound to you?

GroundHog Day in your marriage...

Same old same old every day...

Everything getting to be a routine... or worse, a drag, a nightmare, a terror...

What are you going to do to change things...

First you have to start with knowledge, like Bill Murray's character did.

Then you can take steps.

You have to understand things first, then take the steps.

In 3 minutes I can tell you your marriage situation.

Are you headed to divorce, staying together happy... or staying together and being miserable.

The Divorce Test will tell you the answer, in just 3 minutes.

Go here

http://www.EasyMarriageCounseling

Stop living GroundHog Marriage.

Dr. Max

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Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce

Rule #1 for a happy marriage

People frequently ask me what the secret to happy long term relationships is.

There's really no one secret, there are many pieces to a happy marriage.

But I can tell you the #1, easiest and best rule:

Don't criticize your partner.

It's not your job to improve your partner.

It's not your job to "make them a better person in your own image."

Your job is to be faithful, loyal and supportive.

But Dr. Max, my husband never tells me he loves me.

But Dr. Max, my husband never talks to me.

Sorry of this sounds a bit harsh, but there's a reason that happens.

It's because you're too critical.

But Dr. Max my wife never initiates sex with me.

But Dr. Max, my wive always nags at me.

Right, there's a reason for all of it.

BUT there's never a reason to criticize, no matter what.

That knife cuts both ways.

Want your partner to stop being critical?

Take the lead.

First, YOU stop being critical.

It's a law of the universe.

What you put out comes back to you.

Take care of your own "bi-ness" first.

That's the #1 piece of advice I can give to you if you want to be happy in your marriage.

Go take the Divorce Test.

It includes pieces of this and you can rate your marriage.

http://www.EasyMarriageCounseling.com

Take care, be grateful for your life.

Dr. Max

Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce