Save Your Marriage: What is a Soul Mate?

Jennifer said to me about John: "I love him but he's not my Soul Mate."

This is her husband she's talking about.

I hear people use this term "Soul Mate" a lot.

It is accompanied by the premise "there's someone out there who is perfectly suited for me."

Now as a psychologist I have a couple thoughts for you about this.

It won't win me a popularity contest, but my promise to you is to shoot straight.

The first thought is that what most people mean by this term is "someone who is me."

In other words, the thought is that there's someone I'd be perfectly aligned with.

We'd agree on everything and be perfectly suited for each other.

We'd be on a perpetual honeymoon.

Passion would never die.

We would feel perfectly safe with each other.

We would intuitively know what the other is thinking, feeling and wanting.

We'd be mind readers of one another.

We'd anticipate each others' needs.

We'd never forget what was important to one another and always remember to be thoughtful.

Men would always put down the toilet seat and women would never nag.

If we were true Soul Mates we would know it and feel it 24 hours a day every day.

Now maybe that's not the way you see it but it's the way most people see it.

You might dismiss this analysis, but...

If you dig a little more deeply you might find out it's actually a fantasy you have.

Of course, it's what we feel during the first blush of love with one another.

And it's really wonderful, and it's essential to the long term health of the relationship to START OUT this way.

But it's even more essential to the long term health of the relationship to develop BEYOND that.

OK, this email has gotten a lot longer already than I thought it would.

Let me give you the second - the most shocking and eye-opening part of this 2 part series on Soul Mates...

TOMORROW.

Dr. Max

Have you taken the Divorce Test?

It's here:

If you have already done that and are ready for the next step, go here

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Save Your Marriage