This series of quotes and comments is brought to you by
Dr. Max Vogt, Master Marriage Counselor and author
"...psychological research also suggests that
unbridled expression of emotion interferes with
concentration and performance. Simply yelling
when we’re angry or pouting when we’re
discouraged does nothing to alte rthe feelings—
and certainly does not place us closer to
resolving the situations responsible for
the upset in the first place."
Brett Steenbarger
Many people have the mistaken notion that if
they and their partner just "express all their
thoughts and feelings" that they would be
"communicating" and creating more intimacy
and a better relationship.
Research and a whole lot of clinical experience
have proven that this is absolutely wrong.
But isn't it good to express your thoughts
and feelings?
After all, haven't women been yelling and screaming
and pouting toward their men forever complaining
that the men don't "express their feelings?"
Yep.
What good has this done?
Zero.
Why?
Because men know it's not good to be always
expressing their feelings.
It can cause harm and damage.
Better idea:
Start behaving more lovingly, more graciously,
with more acceptance and tolerance and love.
Then clarify your thinking toward being grateful
and loving toward your partner.
THEN express THAT.
But isn't it good to talk out grievances?
Frequently the answer is, surprisingly, no.
Most people don't have the skill set to do this well.
That's why we have so many mediators and damned lawyers.
Try this instead:
Start behaving more lovingly, more graciously,
with more acceptance and tolerance and love.
Then clarify your thinking toward being grateful
and loving toward your partner.
THEN express THAT.
It will do you and your relationship a hell of a lot more good.
Need help doing this?
It is a skill set, just like playing golf, playing tennis, cooking a good dinner.
Learn how
Dr. Max
Master Marriage Counselor
Posted via email from Marriage Counseling, Save Your Marriage, Stop Your Divorce
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